


Funny Feelings

by dragonheart1995



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Dean is Bad at Feelings, Human Castiel, Implied Castiel/Dean Winchester, Implied Destiel - Freeform, M/M, Sam is a Little Shit, Sam tries to help Cas
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-08
Updated: 2016-06-21
Packaged: 2018-07-13 00:36:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,907
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7130951
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dragonheart1995/pseuds/dragonheart1995
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel thinks he is allergic to Dean and comes to Sam for help. Sam tries to explain "feelings" to Cas</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Cas was staring at me. I could feel his eyes burning in the back of my skull. He had a motel room next to ours, but he asked if he could come in here with me. He wasn’t in a talking mood but I figured he liked the company. Then the staring started. This had been going on for almost five minutes. At first I kept doing my work, figuring he would say something when he was ready. But now it was really creeping me out. 

I shut my laptop and turned to face him. He was clutching his thighs, looking nervous and confused. The confusion was nothing new, he’s had that look since he touched down here, especially since losing his grace. The nervousness was new, and I didn’t like it.

Ever since we got Cas back, after becoming human, he’s been extremely delicate. It’s like having a toddler; he didn’t know how to take care of himself or really do anything. It was almost like everything that he had learned went out the window. Dean was really overprotective and surprisingly gentle with him, never getting tired of explaining how to do things or what things were.

“Cas buddy” I said, getting his attention, “Everything okay?”

“No” he said, then continued to stare off.

I took a deep breathe, trying to not roll my eyes. “Tell me what’s going on.”

You couldn’t ask him if he wanted to talk about it. It was better to give him direct commands, simple orders that he would understand.

“I believe that I’m what you humans call sick” he said.

Oh, that I could understand. He had been acting weird lately; avoiding contact with everyone, not eating as much, acting tired.

“Tell me what you’ve been feeling” I said, “Your symptoms. Then I can figure out what you’re sick with and I’ll know how to fix it.”

I try and copy the tone Dean uses. He’s better at this, but he’s out right now so it’s up to me. 

“Well, I feel hot” he says, “My hands start to get wet, I think Dean called it sweating. And sometimes I feel dizzy. Certain times I forget what I’m going to say and I’m unable to speak. And I get these . . . funny feelings in my stomach. It feels like there’s something moving inside it.”

This sounded familiar, but there was no way it was true. Maybe I was completely wrong but I had to try.

“Cas” I said slowly, “Does this happen all of the time, or does it happen when you’re around . . . one person?”

“One person.”

“Is it Dean?” I asked, unable to stop myself from blushing.

“Yes it is. But what does that mean” he asks, starting to freak out, “Am I, what’s the word, allergic to him? What’s going to happen?”

I blow out the breath I’ve been holding. God I did not sign up for this. Really it wasn’t a surprise. Dean and Cas have had their “profound connection” since they’ve met, which basically involves a lot of staring. I don’t know how many times I’ve caught them stealing glances at one another, or full out eye-fucking. It’s been going on for years, and maybe now that Cas is human and experiencing “human feelings” something will happen.

“No Cas, you’re not allergic” I said, unsure how to begin, “What you’re feeling is normal, most humans feel it a few times in their life. I think you have a crush on Dean.”

“I don’t want to crush Dean” he said seriously.

“No I mean like you have feelings for him. Strong ones, and not just your usual ones” I said before he could interrupt, “A crush is when you love someone, like romantically.”

“Oh” he said, “I was not expecting that.”

“Do you . . . feel that way about Dean?” I was epically failing at this talk. 

“I’m not good with feelings Sam” he said, “I am unsure as to what things like love and sadness feel like. It feels different from when I was an angel. What really is love?”

How do you describe love to an angel, or anyone? It’s one of those annoying words English professors make you try and define and watch as everyone’s heads spin. I think back to Jess, to Amelia. I try and think of how I felt.

“Well, there’s kind of a lot of ways to define it. For me, for this kind at least, you never want to leave the person’s side. They make you feel whole, and you know you’d do anything for them. You want to protect them and their happiness becomes more important than your own.”

“It’s not just the uh, physical stuff” I stutter, blushing, “but it’s the emotional side. You trust that person more than anyone else, and tell them everything, no matter how much of an idiot it makes you sound like because you know they won’t judge you.”

I can’t help but picture Jess, and how I never told her anything, because I thought I was protecting her. I get lost in thought, which was fine, because Cas had a lot to process. 

“I feel that” Cas says, “I feel all of that. Does that mean I’m in love with Dean?”

“Well Cas, honestly I can’t tell you. Love really isn’t something you can diagnose. You know if you are, you’ll feel it inside.”

“Great” he sighs, “more feelings.”

“So um, are you going to talk to Dean about it?” I ask, this is going to be interesting. 

“When I figure out my own feelings yes. I need some time to think.”

Without another word, he gets up and walks out the door. I hear the door open and close to the room next door, and make a mental note to have Dean teach him how to end conversations. Dean’s job, because after this conversation I think I have the right to be done. 

When I first noticed Dean and Cas, I thought I was imagining it. I mean, there was no way it was possible. My brother, who changed women more than he changed the oil in the car, was having feelings for a guy? It was shocking, but after a few years, especially after Purgatory, I understood. They had a bond, more than just Cas pulling Dean out of Hell. They were both kind of the same person, rebelling against everything and anyone to save the people they love. They know what the other has been through, and they both have seen it all. Sometimes I think the only person Dean could be happy with would be Cas. I just hope everything works out. 

 

A few hours later, Dean stumbled into the room, looking completely out of his mind. 

“Are you okay”, I ask, halfway out of my chair.

He shakes his head, like he’s trying to get water out of his ears and clears his throat a couple of times. “Yeah, yeah I’m fine. I just, I just had a long day and a very long conversation with Cas.”

“Oh really?” I asked, trying to act casual, “what did you guys talk about?”

“Nothing important, none of your business. It made me feel – “ 

“Funny?” I ask, unable to help myself.

Dean’s expression went from shock to frustration to panic to anger in about .4 seconds, “You had something to do with this didn’t you.”

I raise my hands up in innocence, “Hey, I just helped him figure out what was going on in his life. It’s not my fault that you don’t like it.”

“I don’t feel that way” he says, very on edge, very entertaining.

“Did I say that you did?” I asked, “You’re the one bringing it up.”

“You know what? Shut up!”

He stormed out, slamming the door behind me. Three seconds later the next door opened and shut with the same force. I couldn’t hear anything, unfortunately, but I wish I could be a fly on the wall for that conversation.

 

Several more hours later the door creaked open and Dean slipped inside. He was trying to be sneaky but he wasn’t doing a very good job of it. I turned and glanced in his direction, his shirt was untucked and wrinkled, and he smelled like dry sweat and booze. I waited until he had crawled into bed before I spoke.

“So you really don’t feel that way?” 

“Shut up Sam.”

I laughed, and just before I fell asleep I swear I heard Dean mumble, “Fuckin’ funny feelings.”


	2. Even More Funny Feelings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas tells Dean about his feelings. Dean doesn't like feelings. Things ensue :)
> 
> Aka, what exactly went down when Dean went to go talk to Cas

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Had every intention of having this go in a much smuttier direction, but it got cute instead. I don't know, it seems more realistic than a "hey I like you, okay let's bang" situation. 
> 
> Dean isn't 100% allergic to feelings, he's just kind of intolerant.

I hate research, I hate cops, and I hate Sam (in that order). I don’t understand why I had to be the one to interview the old woman in the cold snowy weather when he got to stay in the warm motel room and play on his laptop. All I know was that I was freezing, tired, and sick of talking to people. The sooner we finished the case the sooner we could get back to the bunker. I wanted to go back to my own room with good food, great water pressure, and my favorite prophet. 

Just I was unlocking the door I hear Cas call my name. I turned, but didn’t see him. Looking down, I realized he was crouched down on the ground, back against his door.

“Hello Dean” he said, hands on his knees, looking like a child.

I rolled my eyes, “Cas did you get locked out of your room again. You know that Sam’s here, he could have let you in.”

“No I’m not locked out” he said, “Though Sam has been very helpful. I was waiting for you to come back. I need to speak with you.”

I tried not to groan. I loved helping Cas, and most of the time was more than willing to help in with the transition. But I really was not in the mood today.

“Cas can it wait twenty minutes?” I asked, “I need a shower, maybe some food. I’m frozen.”

“Okay” he said, “I’ll just wait here.”

He stretched out his legs and folded his hands in his lap. I know if I left for three days he would still be there when I came back. Don’t do it Dean, just keep walking and . . .

“Fine, what do you need to talk about?”

Damn him, and damn Sam for teaching him those stupid puppy dog eyes. And damn me for getting soft. Cas smiles and gets up, walking in his room. I follow, shutting the door behind me.

“Okay” I say, sitting down on the bed across from him, “let’s talk.”

“Dean, I realized that I have feelings for you.”

He smiled at me, waiting for my response. The problem was that I had no idea what he was talking about. We have had the “feelings” talk a couple of times (try explaining cold, hungry, or sad to someone). He still has problems with emotions but he’s getting better.

“Feelings, okay. What kind of feelings?”

“Funny feelings” he said, “But I figured out that it’s really romantic feelings.”

That was the last thing I expected him to say. All of a sudden I had 1000 things running through my head. So many questions (are you serious, for how long, why didn’t you tell me) but the first thing that I blurted out was

“Dude you’re gay? But you slept with April?”

“I don’t believe my sexual orientation has anything to do with this. Until a few months ago I didn’t have a gender, much less a preference in a partner. And might I remind you that you were the one who told me that sex was meaningless.”

“So you didn’t . . . you just . . . You think of me in that way . . . ?”

He frowned, “I’m still not sure what love is or how you, or us, humans express it. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do or say in these situations. What I do know is that I think about you, a lot. And I want to make you happy and keep you safe. These things that I feel in my stomach, I think it’s love. All I know is that I don’t want to lose you as a companion.”

I had to grab the edge of the bed to keep myself from falling over in shock. I couldn’t even open my mouth to say anything. This wasn’t happening, I wasn’t sitting down and having a conversation about my feelings. Because if I started, I didn’t know what was going to come out.

“Cas I don’t – “

“It’s okay, you don’t have to say anything” he says, “I know that you feel the same way.”

“Why would you think that?” I ask, my heart stilling in my chest.

“You care about my well-being” he said, “You’re concerned for my safety and you tell me a lot of things that people don’t know.”

“Yeah well I do the same with Sam” I said, “And I sure as hell don’t think that way about him.”

He comes forward, uncomfortably close. I’m about to remind him about personal space when he puts his hand on my chest and I freeze completely.

“Your heart’s beating fast” he said, “and even though there is snow on your jacket you’re sweating. You can’t make eye contact with me and you’re breathing quickly. Either you’re sick, like I thought I was, or you’re in love.”

He says it like it’s so simple. But he’s right, I am sweating because I’m nervous as hell. And I can’t look him in those blue eyes otherwise I’m going to lose it. And I can barely focus on anything right now except for the warmth coming from his hand on my shirt.

“And” he said pulling away, “You said I was family.”

“Isn’t that something that goes against your argument?” I ask confused.

“Not for you” he said, “For you, family is the highest title you can give someone. It’s the ultimate expression of your affection. It’s the Dean Winchester version of I love you.”

I’m too stunned for words, for thinking, hell I can’t even remember how to breathe. I’m a mess, cold and hot and confused and I want Cas and at the same time I want to get as far away from his as I can.

“Dean” he asks quietly, “are you okay? Did I say something wrong?”

Yes, no, I don’t freakin’ know. Everything he said was right, but it was the fact that he said it out loud. The truth is Cas has always made me mixed up like this, but I just try not to put much though in it. Being forced to confront everything, it’s too much to handle.

“Maybe I should get Sam” I hear him say.

As he moves to get up I grab his leg. I want to tell him to not go but I can’t make the words come out. So instead I do the next best thing, pull him towards me, and kiss him.

As far as a kiss goes, it’s awkward and sloppy since I caught Cas off guard. I’m usually good at this, I’ve been with so many women that it’s second nature on where to put my hands or what to do next. But with Cas, I’m just as clueless as he is. One hand is still curled around his shirt, the other is hanging at my side. The only thing that I’m aware of is Cas and the fact that he’s kissing me back and damn is it good. 

I run my fingers through his hair and pull back for a second. Cas’ pupils are dilated and his face and shirt are wet from the snow melting off me. He rubs the back of his hand across his cheek, and then does the same gesture to me.

And that’s when I break away and run out of the room. I stumble back into Sam and I’s motel room, still mind blown and winded. It was too much, too overwhelming, too intimate. 

“Are you okay?” Sam says, getting up to come near me.

I shake my head, no more feeling conversations today. I try to tell him it but nothing comes out. I clear my throat and try again.

“Yeah, yeah I’m fine” I croak, “I just, I just had a long day and a very long conversation with Cas.”

“Oh really?” he asks, “What did you guys talk about?”

“Nothing important, none of your business. It made me feel – “I trail off, embarrassed. 

“Funny?” he asks, barely keeping back a smile.

I think back to what Cas said about Sam being helpful. My brother the traitor. “You had something to do with this didn’t you.”

“Hey, I just helped him figure out what was going on in his life. It’s not my fault that you don’t like it.”

“I don’t feel that way” I snap.

“Did I say that you did?” he asks innocently, “You’re the one bringing it up.”

Damn it, he had me there. “You know what? Shut up!”

I storm out of the room, even though I just got back. Because I don’t know where else to go, I walk into Cas’s room and find him packing his stuff, slowly folding his clothes and placing them into the backpack Sam got him. 

“Dean what are you doing in here?”

I held up a hand, and crossed the room until I got to the bottle of whiskey Sam and I had left in there last night. I took a few pulls until there was a fire in my stomach and my hands stopped shaking. I walked back and sat on one of the beds.

“Okay” I said feeling much calmer, “I’m ready to talk.”

Cas set down his backpack and for a few seconds hovered in between the beds. Eventually he hesitantly sits down on the same bed as me. Our knees are just barely touching and neither of us are looking at each other. 

“What do you want to talk about?” he asks.

“Why were you packing?” I say, because I’m not sure why I came back in here.

“I was leaving” he said, “I don’t know what, but I did something wrong. I was going to leave until these feelings stopped.”

“It’s not something you can turn off exactly” I said chuckling, “no one really has control over these types of things.”

“Being a human is complicated” he complained, “There are so many questions and no one seems to have an exact answer to them.”

“That’s just how things work Cas” I said, “I don’t know what else to tell you?”

“You could tell me why you kissed me” he said, staring right at me, “Or you could tell me why you left.”

“I left because I was scared” I admit, “it was, too much too soon I guess.”

Cas stares at me and raises an eyebrow. He knows I don’t do these types of things, but he’s not letting up on it, I can tell.

“I kissed you because . . .” I groaned, “damnit Cas you know that I feel the same way you do. Why the hell are you making me say it?”

Cas leaned forward and kissed me on my forehead, “maybe we both need to learn about feelings.”

“You’re an ass” I said, crashing into him.

We went down in a tangle of limbs, landing with a soft thump against the bed. I kissed up Cas’ neck until I found his lips. This time I was going to do it right, slowly working my way in his mouth. Cas had gotten his hands free and was holding my face. 

It was nice, but not what I expected. I thought if it ever happened (cause it had crossed my mind a few times), that it would be tornado. All new feelings, hard and fast, more violent. It still wasn’t sweet, sure as hell not romantic. It just, it felt like being home.

I tugged his t-shirt collar slightly to suck on his collarbone. Cas moaned and pulled at my hair. Castiel, rebellion leader, former angel of the lord, nerdy badass. Now with a hickey put on by yours truly. It made me laugh but also gave me a rush that made my head spin.

“What?” he mumbled.

“Nothing” I said, still laughing slightly, “I always saw you as some cosmic powerful being. And now I got you pinned under me, it’s just funny.”

Before I could realize what was happening, Cas had flipped us over. He was straddling my hips, one hand holding my wrists above my head. His free hand untucked my shirt and started rubbing circles on my stomach. 

He smirked, “I think I still have some power left in me.”

I realized that Sam and I had been babying Cas. Yeah, he was graceless, confused, and had to be reminded how to use the microwave every week. But he was still someone that had seen the entire world was created. He had eons of history, knowledge, and strategy lurking somewhere in him. Even if he was physically a human, inside he was still the almighty angel. And he loved me. 

“Dean” Cas said quietly, tilting my chin to look at him, “are you okay?”

“Yeah, yeah sorry” I sighed, “I think I got caught up in this whole thing.”

Cas pushed himself off of me and my stomach dropped, what had I done? But instead he laid back on the bed so we were parallel to each other. I turned on my side so our faces were just almost touching.

“Uh, what are you doing?” I asked.

“I think we should take this slow” he said, “You seem to get overwhelmed quite easily.”

“Shut up” I quipped, “it’s just, different.”

“Dean what are we?” he asks suddenly, “Are we, a couple? What is this relationship?”

“No, oh no, no way” I groaned, “we are not having this talk. Whatever this is, it doesn’t need a label. We know how we feel about each other and that’s it. Nothing is changing.”

“So no more kissing?” he asked, a line forming between his eyebrows.

“That’s okay” I said, trying to avoid looking at him, “kissing and other stuff. We’re just going to go with it. With our lives, there’s no point in trying to start . . . we’ll just see what happens.”

Cas nodded, because we both knew that nothing was ever guaranteed with us. Me and Cas always managed to find each other, so I think we’re gonna be okay.

“You think too hard Dean” Cas said, “I can’t read your mind anymore but I know when you get lost in your head.”

“Yeah yeah yeah” I said, kissing him again, “I’ll get used to it.”

We kept kissing until Cas yawned, and I yawned and we realized it was way past midnight. I very (very) carefully opened the door, trying not to wake up Sasquatch. 

I kicked off my shoes and crawled under the blankets holding my breath. Once I was settled I exhaled, one day I would tell Sammy about this. But not today.

“So you really don’t feel that way?” Sam said from across the room.

“Shut up Sam” 

My face burned as I thought about the last few hours. So maybe Sam would find out a little sooner than I imagined. It wasn’t my fault, it was Cas. It was Cas and Sam and their stupid talk.

“Fuckin’ funny feelings” I snorted, before falling asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked my stupid trash :)


End file.
